His name is Charel. He lives in Luxembourg (yes, that's Europe) and we met through Atlantica Online. We talk on Skype near-constantly, and we will finally meet in person on July 3rd.
Does that phrase bother you? Some people, it would. Actually, a lot of people question it. The favorite arguments are as follows:
"Europe? That's so far away"
"You haven't met him yet? How do you know he's not a creepy stalker dude?"
"It'll never work out. You'll meet and one of you will be disappointed."
"How could you meet someone through a video game. You should get out more."
"How do you know he's not some 90 year old woman?"
"You would have much more fun dating someone who lives around here."
Meeting people online is still a pretty big taboo. Dating sites are one thing: usually the person you're matched with lives in the same area as you. I have a couple of very good friends who met this way, and usually no one questions it.
I bring up my boyfriend, however, and the questions and the judging begin. Its almost funny at this point. Some of these questions come out of concern for my well-being, and some of them are because the asker cannot fathom trying to date someone who lives across an ocean. Let me address these issues individually (or, at least, give you my opinion on them).
1: Europe is really far away.
You're right, it is. Long-distance, especially distance where driving is impossible, is one challenge I have decided to face. But no relationship is easy. There are some advantages to trying to make this work. You learn to be patient and take things slow. In my particular case, it has allowed me to really get to know him without jumping into things physically too fast. I have had 6 months of dating to consider all the possibilities of how this might go. Which brings me to:
2. How do you know he's not a creepy stalker?
Lets pause for a minute and think about this. The 90's have all scared us with images of creepy guys trying to find a good time by stalking teenagers through chat rooms and instant message. We picture some dude in his underwear fondling himself to the thought of some vibrant young thing that he can easily seduce by being nice and offering her goodies.
I made this sound silly. Yes, it IS still a real danger that you may not really know who you're talking to before you meet them. However, there have been many advances in technology since this situation arose, and the tools of communicating through the internet have made this quite easy to overcome.
Skype, with video, quickly overcomes the "fat guy in the basement" thing. Talking to someone for 6 months, daily, for 5-6 hours (minimum) a day, you really start to get to know someone. Sitting in front of a video, that long...only the best actors can pull off faking who they are, that consistently.
Of course the thought crossed my mind that, despite all of this, there's still a risk. But there's a risk in every relationship, long distance or not. How many people have you heard about on the news getting beaten, killed, robbed, or raped by someone they met in the same town they live in? Life is risk, and intelligent choices can be made, internet or not.
This also refutes the "90 year old woman" question.
3: One of you will be disappointed.
This is also something that is not exclusive to long-distance relationships. Disappointment usually comes when one person or the other (or both!) "expect" a relationship to go a certain way. Keeping an open mind about what the other person is really like and what direction the relationship will go is important, even if there is only a foot separating you. The key is to be open-minded, attentive, and consider every option, good or bad.
4: You should get out more.
All I really have to say on this is: How is being drunk and taking home a stranger with impaired judgement and possibly nothing in common with you better than meeting and getting to know someone slowly through a common interest?
5: You would have much more fun dating someone who lived here.
The ideal result of this relationship is for both of us to be in the same place at the same time. If I was in this for instant gratification, I would have given up a long time ago. This relationship, however, is worth me taking a chance on. And waiting for.
Long-distance relationships are still taboo and are certainly difficult. I honestly feel that, if the connection is there and so is the determination, you will get through it. We have a long road ahead of us, but I think it will be well-worth the wait.
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