On the Verge of Change

It's the dead of winter, and of course I have neglected to update for several months.

My life hasn't changed much since August. I had my birthday, Halloween, Christmas, ordinary days in-between. However, I still have the same job, the same apartment, the same boyfriend, and the same problems. The change is coming, however, but painfully slowly.

I will be visiting Luxembourg in 9 days. This isn't my first trip across the Atlantic Ocean, but it is radically different from the previous one. I was 12 or so, with my family, and we went to England. It was incredibly fun, but of course, you get a much different sense of the world when you are 26 than you do when you are 12.

This trip, however, represents much more than just "getting out to see the world." I am going to see the world that a man very dear to me lives in. A world that is not completely different from mine.

A world that I will likely live in soon.

I will decide this trip whether or not I want to completely uproot myself from the only place I've really known, and dive into a place where I don't even speak the language. It is likely that I will.

A Step Forward

I'm not dead.

I know my last blog post was 3 weeks before Charel arrived in the US, and now its over a week after he's left. But I've been incredibly busy with, well, everything. And I guess most of you who would read this blog already know how things went.

I was originally tempted to make this a long, drawn out post about how things unfolded. But I'm slowly realizing that some things don't need to be broadcast for everyone. Instead, I'll just post this photo:

Cute, aren't we?

Charel's trip marked more than just someone visiting. We used it as a gauge, to get at least a preview of how we get along in "real life". And we do get along. Fantastically. Its almost scary how quickly, and how well, we connected.

So, what now? While waiting for him to come over, I tried not to think much about what was going to happen after he left. Maybe I was a bit scared to, I don't know. Or maybe I was trying to be cautious. Either way, the whole time, I was beginning to face the question; "What happens now?"

What happens now is this: We do everything we can to make it work. It will be tough for the next couple of years. A lot of waiting, a lot of tears, a lot of anticipation, and not nearly enough moments together. The ultimate goal is, and always has been, to end up in the same place, at the same time, for good. That's a goal that I really want to accomplish.

He will be returning for a visit on December 19th. I will visit him next summer, if I can save up enough money by then. We'll get through it the best that we can.

Long-Distance Love

I need to get something off my chest. Let me tell you a little story about the man I fell in love with.

His name is Charel. He lives in Luxembourg (yes, that's Europe) and we met through Atlantica Online. We talk on Skype near-constantly, and we will finally meet in person on July 3rd.

Does that phrase bother you? Some people, it would. Actually, a lot of people question it. The favorite arguments are as follows:

"Europe? That's so far away"

"You haven't met him yet? How do you know he's not a creepy stalker dude?"

"It'll never work out. You'll meet and one of you will be disappointed."

"How could you meet someone through a video game. You should get out more."

"How do you know he's not some 90 year old woman?"

"You would have much more fun dating someone who lives around here."

Meeting people online is still a pretty big taboo. Dating sites are one thing: usually the person you're matched with lives in the same area as you. I have a couple of very good friends who met this way, and usually no one questions it.

I bring up my boyfriend, however, and the questions and the judging begin. Its almost funny at this point. Some of these questions come out of concern for my well-being, and some of them are because the asker cannot fathom trying to date someone who lives across an ocean. Let me address these issues individually (or, at least, give you my opinion on them).

1: Europe is really far away.

You're right, it is. Long-distance, especially distance where driving is impossible, is one challenge I have decided to face. But no relationship is easy. There are some advantages to trying to make this work. You learn to be patient and take things slow. In my particular case, it has allowed me to really get to know him without jumping into things physically too fast. I have had 6 months of dating to consider all the possibilities of how this might go. Which brings me to:

2. How do you know he's not a creepy stalker?

Lets pause for a minute and think about this. The 90's have all scared us with images of creepy guys trying to find a good time by stalking teenagers through chat rooms and instant message. We picture some dude in his underwear fondling himself to the thought of some vibrant young thing that he can easily seduce by being nice and offering her goodies.

I made this sound silly. Yes, it IS still a real danger that you may not really know who you're talking to before you meet them. However, there have been many advances in technology since this situation arose, and the tools of communicating through the internet have made this quite easy to overcome.

Skype, with video, quickly overcomes the "fat guy in the basement" thing. Talking to someone for 6 months, daily, for 5-6 hours (minimum) a day, you really start to get to know someone. Sitting in front of a video, that long...only the best actors can pull off faking who they are, that consistently. 

Of course the thought crossed my mind that, despite all of this, there's still a risk. But there's a risk in every relationship, long distance or not. How many people have you heard about on the news getting beaten, killed, robbed, or raped by someone they met in the same town they live in? Life is risk, and intelligent choices can be made, internet or not.

This also refutes the "90 year old woman" question.

3: One of you will be disappointed.

This is also something that is not exclusive to long-distance relationships. Disappointment usually comes when one person or the other (or both!) "expect" a relationship to go a certain way. Keeping an open mind about what the other person is really like and what direction the relationship will go is important, even if there is only  a foot separating you. The key is to be open-minded, attentive, and consider every option, good or bad. 

4: You should get out more.

All I really have to say on this is: How is being drunk and taking home a stranger with impaired judgement and possibly nothing in common with you better than meeting and getting to know someone slowly through a common interest? 

5: You would have much more fun dating someone who lived here.

The ideal result of this relationship is for both of us to be in the same place at the same time. If I was in this for instant gratification, I would have given up a long time ago. This relationship, however, is worth me taking a chance on. And waiting for.

Long-distance relationships are still taboo and are certainly difficult. I honestly feel that, if the connection is there and so is the determination, you will get through it. We have a long road ahead of us, but I think it will be well-worth the wait.

Nothing in Particular

It's raining on this fine spring night, which has the dual effect of making me sleepy, and wanting to cuddle up next to a special certain person. Well, I'll have to be patient on the 2nd part, but the first one I can certainly do something about soon.

I now have two computers again. My tablet (the background picture on this very blog!) has been out of commission for a couple years now. I managed to finally find the restore discs for it so I finally have it back and working. Thanks to my dad who helped me w/ the whole process. Drawing will be much easier now, once I get Illustrator installed on this thing again.

I decided to kick the caffeine habit again. Or at least try to. Its really not healthy for me to drink that much sugar daily. Today was the first day without it, and it sucked, of course. I wouldn't want to ever be on any drugs worse than this because I have so many problems kicking this one!

After a couple years of them coming in, my wisdom teeth are finally giving me problems. I put in a form for an appointment at a dentist's office that is doing free checkups for new patients. I haven't been to the dentist in quite some time, a fact that they will not be happy about. My right lower gums around the back of the tooth are so swollen I can barely eat anything. Its slowly getting better but I think that I should probably still go to the dentist. I just hope I can afford it...

I'm sure that there is more that I could type about but my brain is fuzzy and my eyes keep trying to close. So I will leave this entry now.

Step, step, step

I have found a new job.

It is not ideal, it is not in my field, and it is not what I would go to bed dreaming about. But it is a job and it will pay the rent.

Pizza Ranch is the name of the restaurant. Now, first impressions are just that; first impressions, but I like the vibe I have gotten from this place. Never mind the fact that I was practically hired right off the street. I have extensive experience in food service so this is hardly surprising. I'm not being egotistical. I have the experience so its no surprise that I was what they were looking for.

If this place does not require me to lift to much and provides regular breaks, then I will be perfectly fine. Stress is a huge cause of my back problems and I've certainly had it in abundance before. Balance is the key to my life and, while its a tricky, slippery balance to pin down, I think I am finally getting it.

Look forward to two posts coming up soon. One more in depth about a certain Saturday night out, and another about a certain love of my life. Cya!